I wish that these conversations were happening when I was younger so that I’d have known better than to walk away from something good just because it got difficult. I even considered bringing up therapy with a few of these friends, but never actually recommended it because I assumed the idea wouldn’t be well received. I have had a few “big friendships” in my life that were really impactful for me, and I wish that I was taught that it was normal to go hard for those friendships when I saw them starting to crumble. This book really hit home for me because for a long time I was convinced that I was weird for caring so much about my friendships. Luckily, books like this are normalizing this investment in our platonic relationships. Aminatou and Ann call out that to date, there are very few accessible resources for how to maintain healthy friendships, how to deal with conflict, and what to do if a friendship ends, even though these resources are abundant for romantic relationships. We’re taught that there’s no real use in investing in friendships and wonder why we’re left so devastated when we go through a friendship breakup. This is often the case even though many of us describe our friendships as just as important to us as our romantic relationships (even more important sometimes).

romantic relationships that has led us to value friendships less than relationships. One area of this book that stood out to me was that Aminatou and Ann went through the history of public opinion on the dynamics between platonic vs. I’ve always blurred the line between “friends” and “more than friends,” never really believing that I needed to give my friendships less just because I wasn’t in a “relationship” with them. I often question why we’ve been taught that romantic relationships deserve more investment and care than our platonic relationships.

Big friendship book review